Save Marriages

Prayer That Makes Things Happen

Prayer is not about getting God to obey you on command. I know it may sound obvious, but when the pain of a situation becomes extreme, it is easy to get angry with God and start making demands. And, many people find God becomes quiet and distant rather than coming to help.

But, don’t lose hope. There is a proper and effective way to move God.

Imagine how you would feel if you had a 3 year old child who stomped on the floor and screamed, “I want my candy and I want it now? Where is it?” Most likely you would consider the child’s attitude to be more important than the candy. But, to him, the candy is much more important. Well, the child has to learn to say, “Please”, and to wait patiently and respect his or her elders when they say, “No”.

I hope that is not pedantic. It helps me to understand why I have had trouble getting answers to prayer. But, another aspect of prayer is praying to understand God’s point of view and intentions — seeking His will. Part of prayer is surrendering fully to God’s will. And another key part of prayer is having the faith to trust God through the difficulty, to know that whatever happens, God is still in control making the best decisions.

The difficult thing about adultery and divorce is that God created us all with a free will, and it would go against His principles to violate that free will. We are free to love and free to hate. Free to be honest or dishonest. Free to be faithful or unfaithful. Free to be kind or abusive. Arrogant or proud. And the list goes on.

So many times we would like to pray for someone to make the right decision, but so many times it would not be honorable for God to make a person decide rightly. He can call and persuade, and He can do so at the very best time. It isn’t that He lacks power to force someone to make a decision, but because it is dishonorable for Him to do so. And just as we are free to choose whether to respect God and love Him or not, our spouses and others have the freedom to choose whether or not to love us.

Sometimes the Problem is Us

Sometimes God has answers to prayer prepared in advance. Sometimes those answers are just waiting for someone to pray specifically with a right attitude. Sometimes there are promises in the Bible related to those prayers, and sometimes there are conditions that we have to meet before we can go to God and claim those promises effectively. It will do no good to try to convince God of a promise He has not made. But, if we understand His promises and apply them correctly meeting the conditions, then we will have our answers to prayer.

Some Excellent Books on Praying for Loved Ones

• Crowns4Jesus Bookstore This is an online book store selling books I selected. These are physical books — not downloadable ebooks.
• How to Pray for Lost Loved Ones by Dutch Sheets — a small but excellent book.
• Intercessory Prayer by Dutch Sheets is the first book I bought and read on Intercessory prayer by Dutch Sheets. I feel this book is much better at laying the foundations for effectual prayer than some of the other books by him.
• Authority in Prayer by Dutch Sheets — This one goes into the basis for authority in prayer which is a vital aspect of effectual prayer.
• Posessing the Gates of the Enemy by Cindy Jacobs is also a great study on effectual prayer as it relates to destroying the works of the devil, such as adultery, divorce, the destruction of marriages and families.

Some Hard but Needed Verses from the Bible

These verses can come across a little hard, but they are such a deep blessing that can be absolutely life changing.

Proverbs 28:9, “He that turns his ear away from hearing the law, even his prayer shall be abomination.”

Note: This does not mean sin is the cause for all unanswered prayer.

If our hearts are faithful to God and we cannot understand why God is not answer our prayer, we need to be still and trust God. Remember that whatever horrible tribulations come, God sees solutions that are far better and wiser than anything we could imagine. Sometimes we have to go through the darkest valleys of tribulation to get to where God’s ways become clear.

However, if we are in sin and the heavens are turning to brass over us,
then we cannot afford to live in denial. We can call Jesus "Lord", but if we do not love Him and trust Him enough to do what He says, then Jesus not really our Lord. In that situation, sometimes the kindest and most loving thing God can do is to let us suffer the consequences of our actions and use those to help us become humble and understand our need for Him.

If you are in sin right now, you probably know it, and if you know it, then you may be humble and ready to admit it and ready to repent, or you may be proud and in denial. The difference between whether your prayers will be heard and answered may be whether you are willing to surrender, confess all sin to Jesus, give it up and repent of it, and trust Him fully through the darkest times. Believe it or not, your relationship with God is infinitely more important than anything else in your life, and it can be the one thing that can help you and the rest of your family and your marriage be saved.

More verses:

Proverbs 15:8, “The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD, But the prayer of the upright is His delight.”

If I become a pastor, this is one reason I will probably discourage unbelievers from tithing or giving to the church. I don’t want people to live in sin feeling they are Ok because they give or sacrifice for God. And, I don’t want the finances of the church to rest on my willingness to make unbelievers feel comfortable in their sin.

Proverbs 66:18, “If I regard wickedness in my heart, the Lord will not hear.”

Proverbs 21:28, “The sacrifice of the wicked is abomination, How much more when he brings it with evil intent!”

Repentance: The Solution

Sin has a cost. If a criminal tortured our loved ones to death, we would probably be angry if the judge let that criminal go to torture people again. We would consider him a corrupt judge.

Similarly, sin violates God’s authority and honor and speaks against His wisdom and love. Sin teaches others to do likewise. In fact, when we’re in sin, we usually tend to forgive others sins as long as their sins do not bring pain to us directly. So, in essence, what we’re saying by this is that God’s feelings don’t matter, but ours do.

When we live in sin, this is evidence of a corrupt heart — a heart willing to betray and hurt God. We may feel the pain of our conscience calling us to stop, but we take action to dismiss that calling and justify or excuse our actions so we can go ahead with our sin.

Because God is not a corrupt Judge, He must punish sin, and since we thwarted the authority of Almighty God, our sin is of infinite guilt and punishable by an eternity in hell, and that’s not good.

How does that make you feel? Do you feel you have to stop reading this before we come to the solution of the problem, or can you bear through to the answer?

Are you aware of what Jesus did so we would not have to perish into hell for all eternity? He took the nails for us on the cross of Calvary. He died a most cruel death for the sins we committed. He did not die so we could grab our ticket to heaven and all the blessings we want from Him while continuing to live in sin. He died to give us a chance to allow His grace to change our hearts so that the sin we once adored and defended vigorously becomes the sin we hate and want to give up because of our love and appreciation for what God did for us. And, if we will confess our guilt and sins to Jesus and take responsibility for them and refuse to defend them or live in them any longer, God will give us the grace to overcome sin, and that same grace will be there to save us and forgive us for our sin.

And this sin we give up is the very same sin that stands in the way of answers to our prayers. Repentance opens the door to a relationship with God that is deep, and if your life is changed by this, you will be blessed greatly and you will be a great blessing to others as well whether or not your marriage is saved. And, without your relationship with God being restored, nothing else in life could possibly matter nearly as much.

Wrapping up Effectual Prayer

In short, it would often not be honorable or wise for God to answer our prayers if we’re living in sin. If all we do is cry out to God when we are in trouble and turn our backs on Him when our needs are met and everything is going well, then God is not trying to swindle us or hold us over a barrel if He does not answer our prayers. If God can get us to break from our sin by making us wait for our prayers to be answered, He can bless us infinitely more by making us wait. He wants to be our Father. He wants us to love Him. And, the pain of betrayal we feel when our spouses cheat on us is the very same pain He experiences dying on the cross for our sins because of His love for us while we throw it all away on sin regardless. In this way our pain can help us feel the deep love God has for us being willing to love us through our betrayal.