Unshakable Commitment

What do you think is the best way to model an unshakable commitment to your marriage for others? How can you inspire others to value marriage by example?

What if you could try to help others save their marriages and find out it strengthens your marriage and your childrens’ marriages, too? Or your parents’ marriage?

Perhaps we could shake the world simply by setting an example with these three perspectives and our commitment to success in our own marriages.

1–Disposable or Life Long Commitment?

You arrive at a church or hotel for a wedding. You survey the room. Perhaps there are pews or chairs. Perhaps religious symbols, a cross, a red carpet, and perhaps stained glass or a high church ceiling.

As you look around, you may see mostly strangers, quietly being seated while an organ plays or perhaps more modern wedding music that the couple loves being played over the speakers.

A family with children asking random questions. A usually gregarious person quietly whispering an inappropriate joke to get his wife’s disapproval. A couple candle stands and a podium or altar in the front.

And most are normal, friendly, and happy to be there to celebrate this special event.

A New Beginning

A minister, or a friend, or a relative temporarily ordained for the purpose of performing a wedding ceremony welcomes the people and thanks them for coming to view this special union of a new couple.

Maybe the ceremony is a very sober, serious one. Perhaps it is gregarious and happy-go-lucky. Maybe the minister will stress the holiness of marriage in the eyes of God. Or not. Perhaps the officiant will talk about the joys of a relationship, the pleasure, the fun, the memories, the jokes, happy and sad times, and a hope that the fate of the stars will shine down upon the couple with happiness all the days of their lives.

Some may think of a marriage as something to last as long as happiness lasts. Perhaps they feel that nobody should be trapped into an unhappy marriage all the days of their lives.

Marriage is not a Hope for Luck

In a sense, people may feel that the couple has little or no agency, no power to decide whether the marriage will be a good or happy one or whether misery will come and make it better for them to end the marriage rather than continue it. Some may feel it would be better for the children to divorce than to fight.

And yet, nobody would talk about these things during a wedding.

Maybe we know if we were honest that a marriage is not a hope for luck, but a promise. Maybe love is not a mere feeling, but a commitment, a promise to be kept. Perhaps our family is to be loved with an undying commitment to the greatest good. And perhaps we are not supposed to end our marriages and sacrifice them in hopes of putting an end to a time of misery.

And maybe that’s why the wedding vows were created.

Marriage is for people with integrity and grit–an undying commitment to God, to one’s spouse, to one’s family, and to one’s principles. When we live out our promises every day, we challenge others to do the same without having to say a single word about it. They can see whether we are sincere or not.

2–High Honor

• Have you ever seen a wife tear down her husband or tear down men in general?
• Have you ever seen a husband insult or disparage his wife?
• Have you ever seen them disparage their children?

Did it bother you?

It seems many, many, extremely many couples feel they can get their loved ones to stop doing things that irritate them by punishing them, shaming them, nagging them, or embarrassing them before the public.

Can you think of anything more cruel, dishonoring, insulting, or abusive?

What if you honor your spouse and your children? What if you gossip about them behind their back bragging about them, speaking not of their natural born superiority to others, but honoring them for the great things they have done? You can honor others as well, and it will also go extremely well for you and for them, too.

Unshakable Commitment to Proactive Honor

Some say people repeat the things that get attention. If you give attention to the bad things your children and your spouse do, they may repeat them just to rebuff you. Would that feel good?

Have you seen people watching to catch someone doing something wrong so they can blast the wrongdoer with sarcasm and insults? Does it help, or does it lead to divorce?

Would your marriage be better if you dishonor or if you honor your loved ones? Do you want them to strain to get away from you? Or do you want them to be happy to have you around?

How many ways can we honor our spouses and our children and make family life awesome? What if others saw us doing this and followed our example?

3–Unshakable Commitment in Trials and Tribulations

Ouch. I don’t like trials and tribulations at all. Do you?

I remember being 18 and praying to ask God for trials and tribulations so I could grow spiritually. Well, my prayers were answered well. And I literally screamed for them to stop.

Did you ever do that?

We all go through trials and tribulations. And we don’t always go through them alone. If we’re in a family, we experience trials and tribulations together.

Eileen and I found it helpful to go through some questions for couples preparing for marriage. And this helped us get ready for marriage.

The questions we went through helped us get to know each other and prepare for the typical challenges couples and families experience. It helped keep us from being blindsided. We knew what to expect and how each other felt about those situations.

Model Overcoming Trials

If we can go through trials and tribulations with extreme competence, with self-awareness, with awareness of our partner and other family members, and if we can keep an open mind, and do so wisely, we can weather the storms well. This is how we can set an example of unshakable commitment.

Not only that, but we help show others how to weather the storms.

Too often couples wing it. They let their feelings rule. Or they explode. Often they bully and punish and nag and criticize and put down one another hoping that by doing so, by seeking revenge, they can teach their spouse a lesson and get them to stop doing something we don’t like.

But it never works. We don’t want it to work when someone punishes us, do we? Is our unshakable commitment to the love of our family or pride? Would we be foolish and sacrifice our relationship to convey our frustration?

Think about it. When someone punishes or bullies you, do you want to reward them for it? If not, then why should we ever think someone else would want to reward us for punishing them?

We must believe firmly that there are better, more successful, more effective ways to communicate and get through difficulties together. And we must embrace them or suffer deeply.

Unshakable Commitment In Summary

What have we learned so far?

• We learned marriage is a promise to be kept–not a hope that the bluebird of happiness will alight on us all the days of our lives and make our marriage happy for us. It takes work and commitment and wisdom. Marriage is for people with grit and integrity to honor the vows and love is not a mere feeling but something to deliver. It is a promise made and a promise kept, not violated.
• We learned wise people honor their spouses and their children and their parents. To their face and behind their backs. In fact, try honoring them not for what they are but for their wise decisions, their acts of love, their acts of courage, their display of integrity under fire, their self-discipline.
• We learned to prepare in advance to face trials, to see what is coming, to prepare for them, to have a plan for how best to face trials when they come. Perhaps we can learn to have faith as they say to believe “This too shall pass.” And if we handle our trials and tribulations well, they can be beautiful memories for the future and an example that may help others weather their storms!

Marriage takes grit. But unshakable commitment requires wisdom.